Let me be clear from the start; this post is not about growing old in general. It's an essay on my feelings, thoughts and reactions to my personal journey of getting old. This post turned out to be a little longer than I intended, but I'm sure I've forgotten to include some things.
This was the US into which I was born. I was born in 1945. WWII was not yet over and the atomic bomb was days away from being dropped on Japan. Cars were big and heavy--made mostly of steel. Racial discrimination and de-facto segregation (in some places de-jure) were the rules that determined race relations. Luckily for me, however, these rules did not govern the family in which I was raised. The only computer that existed in the world was the size of a house, ran on vacuum tubes which it burned out in hours and had the computing power of a digital watch. By the way, there were no digital watches or pocket calculators because there were no transistors or silicone chips. A telephone, if you had one, was a relatively heavy appliance made of Bakelite. It had a handset into which you spoke and listened. When not in use the handset rested on a large cradle connected by wire. Most people did not even have dial (rotary not buttons) phones. You picked up the hand set and waited for the operator to come on. You then gave her (yes her) the number you wished to reach. Most phone calls were made through an operator. We actually had a party line. This meant that there was one other person on our line. The ring determined which party a call was for. Quaint.
In travel, there were no jetliners. Air travel was for the well-to-do and smoke 'em if you got 'em. Airports were pretty basic. No security, few services. People went on the weekends to watch the planes take off and land. Great fun. Many families in the '50s took their vacations by car. On weekends we'd go to some lake in Wisconsin with pretty basic accommodations. We'd regularly go to Springfield to visit relatives. Once we drove to New York and DC for a family summer vacation. One summer we took a grand entourage (a three-car convoy) to LA via the old route 66. I think these were fairly typical for American families of the 50's.
Food was fresh or tinned. There were no convenience meals, very little was frozen, and no designer foods. Chefs were often sleazy drunks who worked their asses off many hours a day. My stay-at-home mother cooked, cleaned the house and took care of all in the family. when we were in high school she got a job. My father worked hard and we progressed, even prospering a bit. For the most part, we all ate dinner together. We were allowed to not like a food only after we had tasted it. If we did not like a particular food, we could not put it on our plates. Once it was there, we had to eat it. We, the children, went to school, played and did what we could to be in and out of trouble. We had various chores which we ducked as often as we could. By age 10, I had jobs mowing lawns for a few neighbors and their friends. This put about $10-$15 per week in my pocket -- a princely sum for a kid in the fifties. Some of this I banked, i.e. walked or biked to a physical building. Gave the teller (remember them?) a passbook and money. She entered the amount to my account, adjusted my passbook and returned it to me. when I began banking, the telleractually hand entered deposits or withdrawals, used an adding machine (not a calculator or a mobile) to figure the balance and hand entered the balance.
So I've seen the advent of all that we see as modern today. None of this is meant to be a complaint about the past or today, on the contrary, things were simpler. Better, maybe yes maybe no, but certainly simpler. All of this is merely to establish from whence I am writing. These are my perspectives. So to have more computing power in my smart phone than ever existed on the entire earth in my youth, absolutely blows my mind.
I am not happy about getting old -- truth be told I am pissed off. I see only two advantages. First, getting old beats hell out of the alternative. (Although, I am not afraid of dying. What I really fear is losing my mental capacity.) Second, I really enjoy having a pretty big bag of experiences on which to draw. Old and sneaky will win over youth and strength every time. Where I am allowed, I try to pass on some of this knowledge. I find myself getting increasingly angry at my mistakes, especially those of memory or strength. I struggle to add muscle mass at a rate faster than it just melts away. I can no longer walk normally due to an aggravated scoliosis, but I do attend physiotherapy and perform exercises and stretching daily to ameliorate the condition. I used to fast walk"fast walk" and work out 6 days a week. Attaining an ideal weight might be a lost cause, although I can feel my body reshaping.
I've had four surgeries (2 hips and one knee replaced, hernia fixed). When I was growing up, the joint replacements would not have existed and the hernia fix would have been quite different. Chalk up one for modern times.
These things said, I enjoy most young people (for me that includes those below 40). I like their perspective on life. I get a chuckle when they talk about mistakes they make or new experiences they have, because I remember when I made the same mistake or had a similar experience. I hear older people say "I wouldn't do it again" meaning go back and be young again. On the other hand, I'd go back and be young again in a New York minute!
Things that seemed black and white, even as little as 5-10 years ago, are now presenting themselves as various shades of grey. So "being young again" presents a whole new world of difficult decisions.
Do I like modern times? You bet! Food comes from all over the world. Some foods are even made in factories. I can travel in less than a day to parts of the world that it used to take weeks to reach. I can phone across distances and political boundaries whenever I like. If I want, I can phone someone, no matter where, and make friends with them. I generally love things new; love young people (some more than others of course). Although I don't think that old days were good, or better than now, I value the things I've learned.
Generally, I am more patient with others than I used to be. Other people use to just drive me nuts; now I have more perspective and acceptance. However, I am less and less patient with myself and my own mistakes. I look forward to new experiences (yes I'm still learning) and the rest of my life.
Since I began this post, my wife has died. My life partner, my business partner and best friend is gone. She slipped away peacefully, comfortably and with me holding her hand. Friends, current and old customers gave her a great send off. I should be so lucky.
So things have changed and are still changing. Ive also retired and closed the business. I'm learning to rely more on others when they're so inclined. Haven't a clue how I will spend the rest of my days (wouldn't mind a part time job), but I plan on living, learning and having a ball. Stay tuned for more.
Thanks for reading.
